Trailers
“Coming not very soon to a life near you.” Most
middle-aged men, in England anyway, may as well have that
printed on their t-shirts and have done with it. “Coming
not very soon – if ever.” – and not even
with an exclamation mark – what would be the point,
there is never any urgency. Most men have done everything
they ever wanted to do by the age of thirty and then all that's
left for them is to become ‘trailers’. This means
that somehow they manage to find a woman who will put up with
them and then they follow her around like some sort of agreed
stalker.
This is not about sex. “coming not very soon”
is about limp, flaccid enthusiasm, or total lack of ambition.
It seems to me that women make all the decisions and only
expect their man to confirm them. Pretending it’s his
idea is an art form, of course – and women have become
the masters of suggestion, but it is a poor substitute for
a real soul mate.
Where it all goes wrong though, is when the man, the ‘trailer’,
either misreads the signs, or they are communicated incorrectly
by inexperienced women, or ‘bored with their trailer’
women. At these times the ‘trailer’ will either
err on the side of caution and say “No” when the
answer should be yes, or become wildly adventurous and pretend
he is in charge. Sometimes, in order to regain control –
or normality, as women call it, they walk off. Usually this
has the effect, of causing the ‘trailer’ to lose
his sense of purpose and become disorientated – it’s
like she walked off with his dick – and in some senses
she has. After a short time of bewilderment and minor pretentiousness,
he will return to his partner's side – or just slightly
behind to be more accurate.
In our society of socially conscious primates, it is generally
thought and often expected that the male is the leader and
can even have two women at once provided he keeps it quiet.
However, the average trailer will find it difficult trying
to follow two women around at once and this is why many English
men are not particularly good at having affairs – it’s
just too hard deciding to go from one woman to the next without
the specific instructions and a written letter of consent
from the woman he is currently with. Usually, the ‘other’
woman will text him, or something like that and he will follow
his dick – returning only when he believes that the
‘other, other’ woman (his real partner) thinks
he should be there. Then and only then, will he make what
he thinks is ‘his decision’ – usually after
looking at his watch and pretending he is a busy man and it
would all be different if it were… all different…
somehow?
It is a sad thought, and not very PC, but perhaps the ideal
situation for any able-bodied ‘trailer’ is if
his wife is incapacitated in some way or perhaps in a wheelchair
– a level playing field. Then he can follow and lead
at the same time. Again, not very PC, is the thought that
if she is not capable of sex, or just not particularly interested
in having it with him, then he also has an excuse for having
another woman to help him with his frustrations without needing
to feel too guilty about it. The ‘other woman' will
be quite accommodating about this. ‘Other’ women
are very competitive and love it when they feel they have
one up on the spouse – especially if it is something
fundamental, like walking.
The main problem I have with ‘trailers’ is that
if you have produced something like a café, a teashop
or a museum, something that requires the general public to
help things along, it can be really awkward getting people
inside if the ‘trailer’ is out of sorts or the
female ‘puppet master’ has lost all interest in
guiding him forward. Of course, all men are not trailers and
I don’t have that problem, myself. For even though I
am a man, I tend to have an interest in things that are normally
considered the domain of females, so my work is usually of
interest to them – if not actually produced for them.
Of course, in my ‘man’s mind' world I
would naturally think that I am in control of them to some
degree – in giving them what they want and enticing
them, but maybe not, maybe I am just a trailer too –
one that is attached to many women. Maybe they make me do
what I do so they can say to their partners – look,
why can’t you be more like him and be more interesting
and entertaining? “What, build a museum!” reply
the trailers, looking at their watch, using exclamation marks
and suggesting they are too busy…
You see, that’s the problem – I’ve given
trailers the perfect way out and so have their women. What
woman would expect their man to build a museum when they themselves
tell him time and time again that he can’t even put
a shelf up?
Peter
Hague, 28th November, 2006
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